When your loved one enters an addiction treatment program, the goal is not only to achieve sobriety, but also to live happy, healthy, more connected and fulfilled life. Yet despite these good intentions, sometimes your loved one relapses. If this happens, not only does it impact them, it impacts the whole family. That’s because addiction and family are very much intertwined.
At The Blanchard Institute, we understand the challenges you and your loved one are experiencing in the face of relapse. After all, addiction is very much a family disease: it affects both the person seeking recovery and their family, or what we refer to as their “sphere of influence.” So once relapse happens, what should you do to address its impact on your life? And how can you help your loved one get back on track? Let’s take a look at relapse and the steps you can take to overcome it as a family.
Addiction and Family: Relapse and the “Sphere of Influence”
No one ever wants to relapse. All the hard work that goes into recovery can feel like it’s suddenly thrown out the window. Your loved one may feel shame, regret, discouragement, and frustration. You as a family may feel similar emotions. However, a relapse doesn’t mean that all is lost. Relapse is actually a common occurrence, even when someone has completed an addiction treatment program. That’s because the challenges of addiction don’t go away after treatment ends.
“As part of your loved one’s sphere of influence, The Blanchard Institute sees your role as important to relapse prevention — and to helping your loved one if a relapse should occur.”
Recovery is a continuous endeavor, an active pursuit, and for those who stop pursuing recovery, addiction is waiting around the corner. As part of your loved one’s sphere of influence, The Blanchard Institute sees your role as important to relapse prevention — and to helping your loved one if a relapse should occur. We know those positive connections can make all the difference in recovery, so we work to provide the entire family with the tools needed for success. That includes understanding how common relapse is and what to do about it.
How many people relapse? Believe it or not, about 40 to 60% of people will relapse within 30 days of leaving an addiction treatment center, and up to 85% will experience relapse within the first year of sobriety. A relapse isn’t just a minor slip-up or momentary struggle. It occurs when your loved one goes back to the addictive behaviors they pursued prior to treatment. They’ve stopped prioritizing their recovery, and their addiction is controlling their life again.
Why Does Relapse Happen?
As a family member, it may be hard to fathom why someone who has successfully completed treatment and seems to be following their recovery practices would relapse. Why do people relapse when things are good? For some, it may be that withdrawal symptoms are still an issue, even after treatment ends. While many withdrawal symptoms are addressed during the detox process, others can linger for weeks or even months. When this happens, your loved one can get overwhelmed by the physical and mental struggles associated with withdrawal symptoms. Consequently, they seek out drugs or alcohol to self medicate, and in that attempt to find relief, they relapse.
For others, it may be the world they step back into post-treatment. When your loved one returns home, they may still be surrounded by people or places that influenced their substance use. And when they don’t have the support they need to stay sober, the temptation to go back to old habits can become too great. Your loved one may also face specific triggers that activate their desire to use. These could be certain people, negative emotions, stress, or unanticipated proximity to substances. When caught off-guard by these triggers, it can feel easier to use than access their recovery tools in the moment.
Relapse Warning Signs
You may be reading this on the front-end of your loved one’s recovery, concerned about the possibility of relapse. If so, it’s important for you as a family to understand the warning signs of relapse. By doing so, you can take proactive steps to help your loved one return to their recovery goals as soon as possible. After all, you as a family play a crucial role in your loved one’s recovery. With that said, here are some of the key warning signs for relapse to look out for in your loved one:
- Poor self-care
- Changes in mood, attitude, or behavior
- Increased cravings
- Spending time with others who use
- Social isolation
- Dishonesty
- Overconfidence
- Romanticizing past substance abuse
- Decline in recovery practices (missing group meetings or therapist appointments, for example)
The Impact of Relapse: Families Hurt, Too
Because addiction and family are so interconnected, your loved one’s relapse can have a major impact on family members like you. You may experience a range of negative emotions, from resentment, fear, and anger to helplessness and regret. Your loved one’s addiction has likely already caused deep wounds in the family that haven’t yet healed. And the news of a relapse may only pour salt onto those wounds, causing further heartache. Yet at the same time, your loved one is family, and you want to see them thrive.
The family impact of your loved one’s relapse also goes beyond conflicting thoughts and difficult feelings. In some cases, someone who’s relapsed may engage in impulsive or violent behavior, putting other family members at risk. The trauma from this relapse may lead family members to develop anxiety or depression, causing other areas of their life to suffer. Codependent behaviors may even arise between the loved one who relapsed and other members of the family.
What to Do After Relapse as a Family
As you’re reading this, everything may sound all too familiar. You may be devastated and fear your loved one will never change. We empathize with your feelings — and we want you to understand that there is still hope. Having navigated relapse with all kinds of families over the years at The Blanchard Institute, we know that your loved one can achieve long-term sobriety.
We also know that families can act as a powerful change agent in the lives of their relapsed loved one. That’s why it’s important for you and your family to get the knowledge and tools you need to know what to do after relapse — alongside your loved one.
Here are a few practical strategies you can start with, both for your loved one’s sobriety and for your own healing:
Join a Family Support Group
If you’re honest, you know it’s difficult to process your loved one’s addiction with others, let alone after a relapse. That’s why it’s a good idea to pursue support groups for families of those struggling with addiction, or at least seek counseling for families like yours. Joining a family support group will give you helpful perspectives from people who’ve been in your shoes, reminding you that you’re not alone. While helping your loved one may be your main priority, you need to make time to address the impact of relapse on yourself as well.
Be Patient and Listen (But Don’t Judge)
Considering the fallout of relapse on your family, it’s tempting to let your emotions get the best of you when interacting with your loved one. However, it’s much more productive to approach the conversation with patience, empathy, and understanding. When discussing the relapse with them, make it a point to listen without judging. These actions will build trust, putting you in a better position to actually help them turn things around.
Communicate Encouragingly
The way you and your loved one communicate post-relapse is paramount, so encouragement should be your communication strategy at this point. Your loved one is already experiencing shame and may feel like a failure. Now’s your opportunity to be their voice of hope and support. Remind them of the progress they’ve made and encourage them to seek additional professional recovery help. Many treatment centers offer ongoing care for the initial stages of sobriety, such as our Recovery Management program at The Blanchard Institute.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Another key strategy to care for your family in the wake of a relapse is to establish healthy boundaries — which ultimately helps your loved one, too. No drugs or alcohol in the home, no risky behaviors near the family, and no lying are a few examples of healthy boundaries you can enforce. You may even set ground rules about financial support or your loved one living with you if things get out of hand. Saying no may be hard in the moment, but boundaries protect your family and keep your loved one accountable.
Help Create a Relapse Prevention Plan
If your loved one is ready to pursue recovery again, helping them create a relapse prevention plan can set them up to avoid further relapse in the future. A relapse prevention plan provides an intentional strategy that allows your loved one to stick with their recovery goals while minimizing their risk of relapse. Some of the steps components of a relapse prevention plan may include:
- Making a list of sobriety goals
- Identifying triggers and how to manage them
- Pursuing self-care
- Building a recovery support network
- Creating strategies that foster accountability
Find the Family Support You Need at The Blanchard Institute
Though addiction and family are interconnected, so are family and recovery. Dealing with relapse isn’t easy, but you can find the strength and solutions you need to move forward. And at The Blanchard Institute, with locations in both Charlotte and Cornelius, North Carolina, we’re all about helping families like you navigate recovery (and relapse) successfully. Family is in our DNA, after all. With family workshops, family support groups, addiction education resources, and more, our tailored family support programs empower you to take an active role in your loved one’s healing. Contact us today to get started.